As an ex-athlete and lifelong sports fan, I feel it is my duty to make sure that Monkey is well-versed in the world of modern athletics. Just as important to this is making sure that (s)he roots for the right teams. Clearly I will have failed as a father if my child comes home one day wearing a (god forbid) Ducks t-shirt...
To accomplish this end, I am planning a "root through osmosis" approach. If Monkey observes me rooting relentlessly for the Beavers, (s)he will slowly begin to root for the Beavers as well (Monkey see, Monkey do, anyone?). On the other side of things, if the child sees me throw the TV remote in angry despair after the Bears lose on a last-second field goal, (s)he will come to understand that a horrible thing has occurred, and will mourn along with me for the rest of the day/weekend/month (depending on the magnitude of the game).
This approach clearly worked on me. I know that Penn State has without a doubt the greatest football program that has ever existed because starting in the fall of 1981, I watched their games and joined in with all of the joyous highs and despairing lows with my parents and other members of the Penn State Club of Oregon.
Thus theindoctrination encouragement begins this coming summer with the FIFA confederations cup. I see this as the perfect opportunity to "kick things off" for two reasons: 1. It sets the tone that the USA Men's National Soccer Team is the #1 team in the hierarchy of teams to root for. 2. The confederations cup is kind of like a "World Cup Lite," and will serve as a good preparation for the pandemonium of fandom that Monkey will witness the following summer during the actual World Cup. After that it will be a healthy tossed salad of Penn State/Oregon State/Chicago Bears football in the fall, a sprinkling of the occasional Baltimore Orioles baseball game, a dash of Pittsburgh Penguins Hockey, a dressing of Portland Trailblazers basketball, and for dessert, Portland Timbers Soccer (here's to praying they are able to join the MLS in the next 5 years). Bon appétit!
To accomplish this end, I am planning a "root through osmosis" approach. If Monkey observes me rooting relentlessly for the Beavers, (s)he will slowly begin to root for the Beavers as well (Monkey see, Monkey do, anyone?). On the other side of things, if the child sees me throw the TV remote in angry despair after the Bears lose on a last-second field goal, (s)he will come to understand that a horrible thing has occurred, and will mourn along with me for the rest of the day/weekend/month (depending on the magnitude of the game).
This approach clearly worked on me. I know that Penn State has without a doubt the greatest football program that has ever existed because starting in the fall of 1981, I watched their games and joined in with all of the joyous highs and despairing lows with my parents and other members of the Penn State Club of Oregon.
Thus the
Next up in the Reflections on Fatherhood series: Culture (on the chance that Monkey turns out to be a theater nerd like his/her father...)
(wow I wish the English language had a gender-neutral pronoun referring to a human being)
3 comments:
Wow! This is a fun blog....I'm glad to see you addressing fatherhood with such reflectiveness! At Aloha High, we have a father-to-be who addresses his (yet) unborn child as "Thor". They chose not to know the gender until birth, so the kiddo may end up getting stuck with said nickname, afterwards, no matter which it may be! Monkey works for me....it is gender neutral at least! I'm excited for you and Meghan....make sure the kiddo knows that Nee Nee is here for (s)he...K?!
Kisses, NEE NEE
Go Lions/Beavs!
Besos, la abuela del/de la mono/-a
(no neutral pronoun here either!)
Trying mold monkey to root for the proper team is hit and miss. I know it happened to me. My son was swaddled in Steeler blankets and jackets from the day he was born. Black and Gold ruled our house. I thought everything was going as it should and all was well and proper in the universe. But then my son began to change. Blue and red began to creep into his wardrobe. He began to collect bear paraphernalia. Walter Patton figured prominently in football wallpaper he chose. All the signs were there but I chose to ignore or rationalized them. Then the day came when I had to face reality. The day when my world exploded. The day when a Chicago Bears pennant flew above his bed. Where had I gone wrong? I went through the 5 stages of grief.
Denial:
"It’s just a phase."; "This can't be happening."'Not to me! He’ll grow out of it"
Anger:
"Why me? It's not fair!" "NO! NO! How can you accept this!"
Bargaining:
"If you wear this Steeler "
Depression:
"I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; " What's the point?"
Acceptance:
"It's going to be OK."; "I can't fight it, he’s not going to change. I may as well prepare for it."
So my Son, be prepared for the day when you walk into Monkey’s room, find it decorated in Black and Gold and realize that the Patriarch has had his revenge.
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